Contemplating.... I've been doing that a lot lately. Seems the more some things come into focus other things seem to blur. Life decision flash through my mind and either bring more clarity or painful remorse. I suppose this is partly normal or at least I hope it is, otherwise I may be a tad nuttier than I suspect I am. Seems there are a lot of painful remorse decisions plaguing my mind's eye lately. As I sit here writing this I know in my head there is no condemnation in Christ there certainly is in the human heart. There are so many things that I don't want to miss out on. I don't want to miss any more opportunities to spend time with any of my boys. I don't want to miss Bryce's graduation, I don't want to miss Tyler's last 2 years of high school. I don't want to miss my kids playing with their grandparents, or miss my niece's ballets or Max's 2nd birthday. I don't want my kids to miss the chance to know their incredible Aunt. To know their super cool Gramps and to watch movies and have popcorn with their Gran.
How is it that we get so wrapped up in our business that we miss everything. We are glued to our phones, computers, and tv that we miss life. We think we have time. Time to spend with our kids, with our husbands, with our families. Suddenly the kids are grown, we are on separate pages with our husbands and what's left of our families lies in ruins. This is not even the worst part of it. The worst part is our separation from God. If we are too busy for our husbands, kids and families, we are mostly certainly to busy for God. He will of course understand our business, won't he? I mean after all we can't expect to really make quality time everyday for Him, we just have SO much going on.
What would happen if we actually gave God the time He deserves? What would happen if we were to pour over the Scriptures the way we pour over Google or spend as much time in prayer as we do watching tv? Would we suddenly watch less tv? Spend less time online? Would we worry as much as we do now? Would our children notice the difference? Would our children pull our their Bibles instead of their ds's? Would they flip on the Bible cd instead of the tv? Would our marriages start to show some love instead of selfishness? Would there be more listening and less finger pointing? How would it impact our work, our witness? Would we then begin to tell others about the love of Jesus? Would we be less afraid of what others think and more bold in Christ?
If Christ came back tomorrow would you be with Him or would you be left behind? I think we will be surprised at who is gone and who is here when that day comes. I'm a nobody really, just a small town girl who has made an enormous amount of mistakes. In the world's eyes my voice has no real value, I'm not rich or famous, no one reads my blogs or really cares what I have to say. But I will say this I refuse to live like God doesn't matter, that He doesn't matter to me because He does. I refuse to miss out on anymore time with Him. I refuse to miss anymore time with my family.
I am a follower of the ONE TRUE GOD. JESUS CHRIST IS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. I believe there is coming a time soon when we will not be able to write those words in public without fear of imprisonment or even death. When that time comes I pray I'll as bold then as now. I long for Christ to be more in the center of my heart and life and not on the outskirts. Lord help me to give You the time you deserve in my life. Help me to not turn our time together into something cheap and disposable. Help me to put You first, and my husband and family where they deserve also. Help me not to lose sight of what You have put me on this earth to do. Help me to use the talents you have given me to accomplish what You will to be done. I love you Lord with all my heart. Help me to show it more to those around me. Help me to bold about Your love for them. Help me to not wimp out on telling those that need you all about you. Thank you for loving me the unlovable and giving me this life that I so don't deserve.