Mother of Pearl: Day 4

What I Am Not by Tricia Goyer

Becoming a mother is a complicated thing. Not only am I trying to negotiate a relationship with my child, I am trying to negotiate a relationship with myself as I attempt to determine how I mother, how I feel about mothering, how I want to mother and how I wish I was mothered.

— Andrea J. Buchanan, in Mother Shock3

Sometimes the easiest way to discover who we are is to know who we are not.

• We are not our children. We all know mothers who go overboard trying to make themselves look good by making their children look great. I saw one woman on the Oprah television show who had bought her preschool daughter more than twelve pairs of black shoes just so the girl could have different styles to go with her numerous outfits! Just as we -don’t get report cards for mothering, we also -don’t get graded on our child’s looks or accomplishments. While you want your children to do their best and succeed in life, your self-esteem -shouldn’t be wrapped up in your child.

Life as I See It:

My individuality will never end. There will be no one exactly like me, not even my child. She will be like me in some ways, but not at all in others. I -wouldn’t have it any other way.

— Desiree, Texas

• We are not our mothers. I remember the first time I heard my mother’s voice coming out of my mouth. The words “because I told you so .  .  .” escaped before I had a chance to squelch them.

It’s not until we have kids that we truly understand our mothers — all their frets, their nagging, and their worries.

It’s also then that we truly understand their love.

Since you are now a mother, it’s good to think back on how you were raised. If there were traditions or habits that now seem wise and useful, incorporate them into your parenting. You also have permission to sift out things you now know -weren’t good. Just because you’re a product of your mother, that -doesn’t mean you have to turn out just like her. Repeat after me, “I am not my mother.”

• We are not like any other mother out there. Sometimes you may feel like the world’s worst mother. After all, your friend never yells at her son — and sometimes you do. Then again, your friend may feel bad because you have a wonderful bedtime routine that includes stories and songs. In many cases, the moms you feel inferior to only look like they have it together. All moms feel they -don’t “measure up.” Instead of feeling unworthy, we should realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The key is where we place our focus.

The Bible says, “Let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without .  .  . comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we -aren’t” (Romans 12:5 – 6, MESSAGE).

The problem with comparison is, we always measure our weaknesses against the strengths of others.

Instead, we need to thank God for our strengths. We can also ask God to help us overcome our weaknesses — not because we want to compare ourselves, or look good in someone else’s eyes, but because we want to be the best mom out there.

Tricia Goyer is a CBA best-selling author and the winner of two American Christian Fiction Writers’ Book of the Year Awards (Night Song and Dawn of a Thousand Nights). She co-wrote 3:16 Teen Edition with Max Lucado and contributed to the Women of Faith Study Bible. Also a noted marriage and parenting writer, she lives with her husband and children in Arkansas. You can find her online at www.triciagoyer.com or at her weekly radio show, Living Inspired.

Mother of Pearl: Day 3

She’s…My Everything by Suzanne Woods Fisher

“A mother is one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take.”

--Cardinal Mermillod 

Just a few more months. My mother was hoping Dad would hang on long enough so they could celebrate their sixtieth wedding anniversary in April. But on January 1st, as the sun rose on the new year, my dad’s worn out heart beat its last. Dad had battled Alzheimer’s Disease for ten years. As many of you know, AD is a long, hard journey. Hard on the one afflicted with the disease, hard on the caregivers.

But not without its blessings.

Four years ago, as I began researching stories for Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World, my path crossed with a handful of Plain families who were coping with Alzheimer’s. It was just about the point when Dad’s illness was shifting from early to mid stages AD and the timing was a divine accident. I learned so much as I observed the calm acceptance of these families. Rather than waste time shaking a fist at God for allowing this disease to take their loved one, they put their energy into trusting God’s sovereignty. They didn’t deny the difficulties and complications and sadness of Alzheimer’s, but they didn’t dwell on them. “God has a plan,” one woman told me. “He always has a plan.”  

Something else I noticed was how privileged my Amish friends felt about caring for their loved one. Caring for the elderly, they believe, is the time to give back to them.

Those encounters shaped my perspective of Dad’s illness. I started to pay attention to how God provided answers to new wrinkles created by Alzheimer’s, just in time. God may be slow, but He is never late.
I started to cherish special moments or good days with Dad—just as he was at each point in his illness. Not mourning the past, not dreading the future.

I really miss my dad. I miss his scratchy whiskers and the way his eyebrows would wiggle at us, even as words failed him. Yet I have such peace in my heart that he was well loved and well cared for, right to the very end. And as hard as Dad’s end of life has been, it isn’t the end. We will meet again. As the saying goes, “Some may see a hopeless end, but as believers we rejoice in an endless hope.”

There’s a beautiful story that illustrates my parents’ 59-year marriage. This event happened about a year or two ago. My sister had accompanied our mother to the doctor appointment for Dad at the Stanford Memory Clinic.

Dad had declined quite a bit that month. He was weak and lethargic, even to the point of whispering, as if it took too much energy to project his voice. During the doctor's appointment, the doctor told my mother and sister that Dad was now in late stages of Alzheimer's. Dad didn’t have much vocabulary left, but when the doctor asked him who mom was, he whispered something back. The doctor looked at Mom and asked, "Did you hear what he just said?"

Mom shook her head.

"When I asked him who you were, he whispered, 'She's...my everything.'"

Suzanne Woods Fisher is a writer of bestselling fiction and non-fiction books about the Old Order Amish. Her interest in the Plain People began with her grandfather, W. D. Benedict, who was raised Plain. Suzanne is the host of Amish Wisdom, a weekly radio program on toginet.com, and writes a bi-monthly column for Christian Post. Suzanne can be found on-line at www.suzannewoodsfisher.com.


Re-printed with permission by Cooking & Such, www.sherrygorebooks.com.



Exciting News – the latest Pearl Girls book, Mother of Pearl: Luminous Legacies and Iridescent Faith will be released this month! Please visit the Pearl Girls Facebook Page (and LIKE us!) for more information! Thanks so much for your support!

Mother Of Pearl: Day 2

Welcome to Pearl Girls™ Mother of Pearl Mother's Day blog series - a week long celebration of moms and mothering. Each day will feature a new post by some of today's best writer's (Tricia Goyer, Sheila Walsh, Suzanne Woods Fisher, Bonnie St. John, and more). I hope you'll join us each day for another unique perspective on Mother's Day.

AND ... do enter the contest for a chance to win a beautiful hand crafted pearl necklace. To enter, just {CLICK THIS LINK} and fill out the short form. Contest runs 5/6-5/13 and the winner will on 5/14. Contest is only open to US and Canadian residents.

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info and see what we're all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace or one of the Pearl Girls™ products (all GREAT Mother's Day gifts!) to help support Pearl Girls.

And to all you MOMS out there, Happy Mother's Day!


Joy Comes from Perseverance by Sheila Walsh


One of the most important lessons I have learned in my own life is the joy that comes from perseverance. Eugene Peterson, borrowing a phrase from Friedrich Nietzsche, wrote his book  “A Long Obedience in the Same Direction …Discipleship in an Instant Society.” He points to the Psalms as the way believers have always learned to pray what they live and live what they pray but it is not a short journey. It is an intentional commitment to keep walking even when you are worn out.


*If we want to see lasting results in any area of life it’s important to keep walking in that direction.

*If we want to have a better understanding of the Gospel of John then it takes time and commitment to dig deeper day after day.

*If we want to be thinner this summer than last summer then the work begins now not then.
So too in our relationship with Christ…..

*If we want to know Him at a more profoundly intimate level, that also takes an intentional seeking after Him every day.

As a grown woman I have come to love the beauty of this gift. Passing this “mined treasure” onto my son on the other hand has been an interesting challenge.  We live in such a fast paced, attention-challenged culture where the latest thing can be delivered to your doorstep by tomorrow for a few dollars more. But, as you know, by the time it is delivered it has already been replaced or updated!

How do we speak then into the lives of our children to help them understand and value perseverance?

For me…part of the puzzle meant a large piece of poster board, scissors, some photos and a bottle of Elmer’s glue. My son, Christian and I spread everything out on a sheet in the game room as I explained our project. “We’re going to make a family faith-tree,” I said. “These are photos of family on your dad’s side and on mine. Many of them have gone on to be with Jesus but the seeds they planted into our family continue to grow.” Then we wrote down their names and when they came to faith in Christ (as many as I knew).  It was quite something to see when we were finished.

“Your life matters Christian. Running your race well matters.”

That night we read these words from the writer to the Hebrews,

“We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up.”

Hebrews 12:1 (NCV)

Sheila Walsh is a Bible teacher, speaker, singer, and best-selling author with more than 4 million books sold. Sheila Walsh is the creator of the award-winning Gigi, God’s Little Princess® and her new series, Gabby, God's Little Angel. Meet Gabby in Gabby's Stick-to-It-Day. As a featured speaker with Women of Faith®, Sheila has reached more than 3.5 million women by artistically combining honesty, vulnerability and humor with God’s Word. She resides in Dallas with her husband Barry and son Christian. Visit www.sheilawalsh.com for more information about Sheila, her other books or Women of Faith.

Exciting News – the latest Pearl Girls book, Mother of Pearl: Luminous Legacies and Iridescent Faith will be released this month! Please visit the Pearl Girls Facebook Page (and LIKE us!) for more information! Thanks so much for your support!

Tales from the Crypt

Obviously I took a good long break from blogging, not really intentional, I just sorta lost my voice. I do that from time to time, have a lot of writer's block. Someone mentioned to me recently that I hadn't written and honestly the past month I've just been too sick to do any writing whatsoever. I prayed some days that I would just die! Okay Lord just take me, I really can't stand being sick anymore. I felt like I was on my death bed, in my own personal crypt. But alas I've made it, well almost, to the other side. I'm still a little bit sick, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, I've been working on a project, a book, that has been swirling around in my head for a few years. I don't really have a great way with words like my sister or a friends daughter I know. The following is an unedited, extremely rough, almost incoherent excerpt from my book; tiled "Surviving my childhood and beyond"

For most of my life I’ve felt like life is just passing me by.  Almost like an out of body experience where I was just watching my life and saying who is that and why are we not going in a better direction.  Weird I know, but true none the less. There are so many things I wanted to do that I STILL want to do. When did I lose that independent, outgoing, and no fear person from my youth. When did I become this person who is essentially afraid to leave my house, even some days out of my own bed.  I was always a buck the system kind of gal, never say die and the person who would stand up to anyone on just about any subject. When did I lose that piece of me? When did I become this person that I do not recognize?  I want to be out embracing life and making memories with my kids. I can say a lot of negative things about my childhood, but my parents did some cool things with us. We experienced parts of America. We stood at the Grand Canyon, went up Pike’s Peak, and camped in the KOA’s. I can remember our dad “waking” us up in the wee hours of the morning, gently guiding us to the car where he had the turtle all packed and ready to go and beds for us in the back. We would sleep and he would drive. My kids can’t say that about us or me.

What they can say is that most days I struggle to keep it all together. It isn’t like this every day, but a lot of days are. Maybe they won’t say that maybe they don’t really know the struggle that Mom is going through every day, I pray they don’t. I try to tell them every day, many times, how much I love them, how awesome they are and how proud I am of them. It’s something I really want them to know and understand that Mom loves them and is proud of them. I am still a little bit shocked when my Mom tells me she is proud of me. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve actually heard it come out of her mouth (bearing in mind that my mind and memory is terrible).

The past few years have been really hard on me physically and emotionally. I’m still battling both parts and although I seem to finally be getting control over the physical the emotional is really taking it’s time to bounce back. I lost a part of myself the summer between my eighth and ninth grade year that I can never get back and in reality is seems that a lot of my life is like that. I lost so many parts of myself so early on that when I look at myself, I sometimes see, Humpty Dumpty. Like I’ve tried to glue myself back together with the purple glue, you know the stuff, it’s purple until it dries and then becomes clear. Except mine never dried and it’s still all purple.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning to hand over those pieces that the only One that can turn the purple clear. It is an excruciatingly slow process that I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever get it all done.  “All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back to together again”.

When I look back on my life what do I want to see? What will I leave behind? What will people say about me? Did I do anything great? I probably won’t by the world’s standards and that’s okay with me. Did I shine the light of Jesus in this dark world? I’m not doing a great job of that now. Something that I must change! Did I point my children toward the Savior and a real relationship with Him? I can honestly say that I am trying to with everything that is in me. There are still things I want to do, to see, to be and to accomplish. The question is now how? If you know you want to too and you know you need too but you just can’t quite seem to get there. Where do you go from here?

WOW! My kid is cool!

Our brilliant genius level son was nominated to travel with People to People in the summer of 2012. I had never heard of this program so I was a little surprised to get the letter in the mail. I had to go look it up. Alex was invited to travel through Europe in the UK & Ireland. What a cool opportunity! Although I'm not sure how I feel about letting my 5th grader (he would be by then) go to Europe without me. I think it's incredible that he was invited. It's also uber expensive, of course. This is definitely something that we have to pray about about but I just thought it was soooo cool!

My brilliant amazing 9 yr old son!

From the People to People website:

The People to People movement dates back more than half a century to its founding by President Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1956. Eisenhower was acting on his firm belief that direct interaction between ordinary citizens around the world can promote cultural understanding and world peace.
That proud legacy of hope lives on in People to People Ambassador Programs on seven continents. 

Legends of the United Kingdom and Ireland

DESTINATION(S): ENGLAND, IRELAND, SCOTLAND, AND WALES

DURATION: 19 DAYS

AUDIENCE: Grades 5th - 6th

London, EnglandGet to know the Beefeaters, official guards of the Tower of London, and learn about the tower’s 10 centuries of rich history.
Gain an insider’s perspective on British government from a current or former Parliament or Cabinet member.
Float past Big Ben and other iconic London landmarks on a Thames riverboat.
Re-create life in the Middle Ages—complete with a medieval banquet.
Experience the ceremonial changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace.
Catch a play or musical in the West End, considered the capital of the theater world.
Soar high above the city in the London Eye, the world’s largest Ferris wheel.

Oxford, England

Explore this famous college town and its blend of ancient architecture and modern business.

Warwick, England

Spend an afternoon on the grounds of Warwick Castle, where a medieval encampment brims with music, games, and colorful characters ranging from knights to rat-catchers.
Train to wage war as a knight, and watch the world’s largest trebuchet (catapult) in action.

The Highlands, Scotland

Keep your eyes peeled for signs of Nessie, the legendary lake monster.
Learn how sheepdog puppies are trained to watch over their flocks.
Hike to discover hidden waterfalls and deep mountain pools in stunning Scottish scenery.
Meet a traditional Scotsman, and learn how his regalia honor the country’s history and heritage.
Try on a kilt and kick up your heels during an evening of Scottish culture.

Edinburgh, Scotland

Experience Scotland’s commanding capital city, perched upon the crests of seven hills.
Stroll the Royal Mile, and research the history of Scottish clans.
Explore Edinburgh Castle, from its 12th-century chapel to the 1 o’clock gun.

Blaenavon, Wales

Hear Welsh spoken by local craftsman while exploring St. Fagans, a 16th-century castle turned open-air museum.

Dublin, Ireland

Explore the streets of Dublin, including areas like Grafton Street and Trinity College.
Try your hand at Gaelic football in the Gaelic Athletic Museum.

County Kerry, Ireland

Visit ancient Blarney Castle, and discover the Witch’s Kitchen and other Druid rock formations found on its grounds.
View the breathtaking Gap of Dunloe from a horse-drawn jaunty car.
Soak up the joyous Irish culture during a céilidh, an evening of traditional music and dance.
Admire the dramatic Cliffs of Moher, which plummet 650 feet straight down t