I never really thought of myself as ocd about some things, but as I am getting older I see that really I am. How do you unlearn ocd? That's a great question, wish I had the answer. Increasingly I'm seeing more and more things that I am ocd and controlling about. Now I realize these are really two separate issues but for this blog (and to make myself feel better) we'll call it one.
I guess in some ways this could be a good trait but apparently not in the ways that I have them. I can't look at my kids dresser drawers without wanting to cry or throw a big fat mommy tantrum. I know they have to learn to do these things on their own, but can't they at least do it my way!! *stomping my foot* Haven't they heard that if momma isn't happy no one is happy? I am not happy when I see those clothes like that. I know I should be happy they are doing their own laundry, and believe me I am, but if they could just attempt to put them away nicely I would feel so much better.
Also, I like my instructions to followed exactly as I have said them with no deviations what so ever.
This is not so great with kids, but it really bothers me if they don't . I just don't like the slightest detail to be missed. How in the world do you stay sane as mother with this crazy trait? I feel like a mutant!
Honestly I really like most things done on my terms, in my time, just the way I imagine it. Doug says I just don't do well if things don't go the way I imagine them. Example: A couple of weeks ago I wanted to go downtown to the garage sale thing they had on the circle. When I saw it on my way home from work I was suddenly energized. It was a Saturday morning and we had no kids and I envisioned us walking hand in hand down through tables, laughing and talking. I get home and Doug was sleeping as it was 7 am. I excitedly begged him to get up and go with me. I go no where, he was out! Begrudgingly I got into bed and proceeded to sleep the day way.
Last Saturday was the car show, same circle downtown. I went to get stuff for pancakes and saw the car show. This time we had a house full of kids, our kids and a neighbor kid who had stayed the night. I rushed home threw some cinnamon rolls in the oven and gave my family no choice. They were going to this car show whether they liked it or not. ( ps car shows get more attention than garage sales.)
We get there and Doug and are holding hands, laughing, talking (sound familiar yet?) when he tries to dart off with the boys for something. I promptly told him oh noooooo this day is going to go exactly as I envisioned it or else! Of course he laughs and shakes his head at me (cause he only laughs when I'm not being funny or I'm mad.)
It seems these days I look in the mirror and see all these things I really don't like about myself. I, of course, have wonderful traits also (please don't tell my family I have faults because I almost have them convinced that I am practically perfect in every way.) Maybe it's just the fine tuning of God, bringing out the things that need changing and helping me to recognize and free up the control in that area of my life, but it really stinks. I was perfectly happy in my own little world being ocd and not realizing it. Now it seems I have to let that go and somehow not be so controlling and well anal I guess. It would be easier if God just fixed everyone else but it seems that is not the case and apparently it's me that needs the fixing this time. Maybe someday I'll look back at this blog and laugh and be happy that I went through this process but for now I'm like the old family comic where the little boy was sent to the corner, as he sat there he announced to his mama; "I may be sittin down on the outside but I'm standing up on the inside."