Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Things I am coming to realize

There are a few things that I am slowing coming to realize in this life of mine. Once again, as in my other useless lists, these are in no particular order.

1. There are not enough hours in the day
2. My husband mostly pretends to hear what I say
3. Life is harder than ever thought it would be
4. My house will never clean itself and the laundry will never wash itself (sadly)
5. I may never see the good things about me
6. I'm more OCD than I want to admit
7. I seriously dislike working nights and totally regret quitting at the church.
 8. I'm a compulsive complainer
9. I'm apparently not as angry as I used to be. (or so my hubby says)

I'm sure there are probably more but honestly I'm just too darn tired to think them up right now.
Here I am working overnights and there are a ton of things still to do during the day. I'm not a single person who can sleep all day and it doesn't really matter. I had no idea how hard this was going to be or how tired I would be. I had no idea  how my house would suffer and bedroom might never be clean again. ACK!

Men have severely selective hearing. Enough said.

I never, ever, ever in a million years thought my life would be like it is now. This is not a neccessarly a bad observation. Sure there are things that I would do differently if I was given the chance to go back and change things but I would also not be where I am now if I did. And I can not imagine my life without Doug and the kids.

I didn't realize growing up how much work it takes to keep a house going and clean. This fact was somehow lost to me in my growing up years. Probably due to my highly selfish nature. This is actually exhausting and I am just horrible at it.

Sadly, I will probably never see the good things about myself. I look in the mirror now and think who is this chunky person with the grey hair? Do I know her? She sorta resembles someone I used to know but not really. I'm older, fatter, with less energy and even less motivation. I tend to see the negative in everything, especially myself. I honestly can't think of anything I really like about myself right now.

My closet is color coated and sorted into sections ( at least it is when Doug is not putting clothes away) and it drives me batty insane that he hangs my clothes in the wrong spot. Although I don't tell him that because he might stop doing what laundry he does do. I can't even look in the boys drawers anymore without freaking out since they started putting their own clothes away. It's just too terrible!

One of my major regrets of the past year is when I walked away from being the sec. at the church. Enough said.

I complain about everything. Not an attractive trait, something I am desperately working on.

Apparently I used to be worse off than I am now. That is truly a frightening thought. This has to be tangible proof that God isn't finished with me yet. That He is changing me and that I am making progress! If it isn't just leave them in that delusion please.  neurotic thoughts


  1. #2 for sure!

    Just curious how did you expect your life to turn out?

  2. I never imagined that my kids would be virtual strangers to our parents. I don't think I ever thought I would ever find someone to have a good marriage with. I never thought I would be a good mom.